Why can we often be our worst hurdle to overcome?
When will we choose to help and not hinder self?
When will we decide we are worthy of our dreams and desires?
– “Challenge yourself, and believe!” –
Do you make New Year’s resolutions and then realise by the end of January that they have been put aside? Why do we do this? Why can we be masters of self-sabotage, determined to undermine self and soul desires?
I have some soul desires that I have held for 40 years and consistently chosen to self-sabotage by lack of effort, and commitment. My own in-action and lack of self-discipline scarpering my achieving what I say is my dream. Why do we do this?
Sometimes I feel self-sabotage is a great narcissistic behaviour and it actually takes a lot of ego control, and perhaps also a stoic commitment to self-abuse. Bizarrely in the act of lack of self-discipline to the soul’s desire, the ego has set its boundaries and fully committed to controlling what we should do, what we can have.
It was only recently on a Mojo Journeys Retreat that I finally was able to see some structured thinking around this thing I had labelled “self-sabotage”. The session run was on Self-Awareness and the question asked was “Do you have the Mindset for Growth?” My personal and immediate answer was “of course”! Then I read how Carol Dweck: Educational Psychologist from Stanford University framed both a Fixed Mindset v a Growth Mindset.
She frames people with a Fixed Mindset as believing intelligence is something you have or don’t have. They have a desire to look smart which means that they:
• Avoid Challenges
• Give up easily
• See effort as a waste of time
• Ignore criticism
• Feel threatened by the success of others
She frames people with a Growth Mindset as believing intelligence can be developed.
They have a desire to learn, which means that they:
• Embrace Challenges
• Keep going when things get difficult
• See effort as the path to mastery
• Learn from criticism
• Learn from and find inspiration from the success of others
It was a light bulb moment – when I realised that my self-sabotage was often due to my actually having a very fixed mindset about something. Until I was able to change this, nothing would change.
But how do you do this? How do you work to change your ingrained behaviours and develop a growth mindset? How do you define your “why” for taking the action and keep going when things get difficult? How do you change your personal perspective and see effort as the beautiful path to mastery?
I came to realise, my light bulb moment, that for me the answer to these questions was as follows;
- I am worthy of my desire.
- I am deserving of setting aside the time and energy to pursue my dream.
- My “why” is because it brings joy to my soul, and that is reason enough.
- I am committed to creating my dreams.
- I am ready to challenge myself and believe.
So, from today my decades of “trying to learn French” and consistently giving up are behind me. My fixed mindset of believing – it was beyond me – is on the mojo journey to being a growth mindset!
At the end of the retreat Ange Tremain (@mojo.journeys) asked us to write a ‘Dear Beautiful Girl’ letter to ourselves. We each had to take the time to make a commitment to growing ourselves and our Mojo. We wrote a letter to ourselves, specifying what our focus growth areas will be for the next 6 months. She asked us to write our reasoning and maybe some strategies to achieve this. She asked us to be kind to ourselves and make sure it is achievable. In 6 months, she will deliver our letter back to us. Now that really is a commitment to self and growth.
My letter is written. I am ready and excited.
As Vishen Lakiani wrote “So dare to live your precious days on earth to their fullest, true to yourself, with an open heart and a thoughtful mind, and with the courage to change what doesn’t work and accept the consequences. You may find that you can fly farther than you ever imagined.”
Believe! Accept. Breathe.
Liberating Self – A Soul’s Journey, explores the path of liberating self to choose to live our dreams and the wonderment that can occur when the soul’s courage is embraced.
To be further inspired, download the entire ebook from my website “Liberating Self – A Soul’s Journey”
Thanks for being curious to connect and be inspired.
Ps Check out my website and philosophy on www.christinespring.com